.Thursday, October 16, 2008 ' 5:11 PM Y
& your love is all i ever wanted
Depression
Frankly saying, I think I'm suffering from depression..
pfft. family.. the best comfort but yet again the worst nightmare.
Lately, so insecure.
I'm unwanted.
I'm just an extra.
I am nothing.
I had a dream. considered a nightmare I guess.
My mum said, " We dont need you!" to me.
Straight in the face.
*wao. bet she's relieved. finally let out her words.
good for her.
eventhough it's a dream.. it was so real.
hahaHAHA..
The parable of the prodigal son.
rly makes me wanna be a prodigal child.
wad's so good abt being a goodie two shoes?
when all ppl do is leech ur goodness n kindess for granted?
HAH. must be fun!
To be truthful, I hate my bro. HAHA.
Just becz he's the eldest.....
But he's the one who's the most carefree.
He doesnt freaking give a d*m about the things mum is preparing for him!
Eg: Good Education.
Which I am most likely unable to gain tat from her.
I have to work my way out. - Scholarships.
We both know tat smth bad will happen. sooner or later in this family.
so its just fair for her to put the burden on me instead rite?? ^^
"Hah~ My daughter ah! Hmph! Definately must get JPA (a scholarship)! huuhoo!!"
hah. easy for you to say.
Green-eyed. hurt.
I hate being a psychologist.
I hate being able to analyse a person.
I hate knowing how small my place is in her heart.
I hate knowing that I'm overshadowed by my siblings in their eyes.
I hate knowing.. wad I couldnt get from them...
I hate to have a better past with them.
It just hurts me more...
*breath in breath out...
Advice:
If u have a good family, treasure it.
Not all kids have parents tat shower them with true love.
Unlike materialistic love,
True and pure love is so much warmer to the heart.
.Wednesday, July 23, 2008 ' 9:22 PM Y
& your love is all i ever wanted
Walls of the Heart.
MI GE RU JA NAI YO!!
Running away really isn't the usual you!
Why?! How come?!
I really want to know!
Since when, after breaking that freaking wall you built,
You've started rebuilding the same exact wall!
This time a FAR more STRONGER one...
You used your CONSCIENCE. Building the walls.
You used your feelings. Hardening the cores!
This time, you cant break it yourself anymore...
Because YOU yourself! Turned into THE WALLS!
Help.
For you, easier to give then receive...
Help.
For you, more of giving then receiving...
Thou, deep down in side,
A plead.
A sincere plead.
A plead for "HELP".
.Sunday, June 22, 2008 ' 10:57 AM Y
& your love is all i ever wanted
Hurt To Heart's Core.
Hurt...
a simply word.
Yet it means a lot...
Mayb I've hurt u before.
But nw u've hurt me.
A deep scar, yes.. tat's wad it is.
A wound with salt.
A heart pierced.
Tears are worthless.
Cries are insignificant.
A word of truth to be exact,
Unexpected brokenness filled my soul.
The hurt stirring from within the deepest part of me.
Tears rolled down uncontrollably.
As I read what seemed like fate,
A dialogue I nvr wished I'd see.
Somehow, it seems that,
Thru the twist of time,
Variation of fate,
Grimace of feelings..
Izzit so that..
This friendship is going to end...?
In this fundamental conflict, I shall say,
I've learnt.
A far more priceless value.
The way I think,
The way I speak,
The way I act
And the way I live..
A change in all..
Broken hearts, broken souls..
Nevertheless, life still goes on.
Should I ever look back and wonder,
How tis came to be,
I'll always remember thee.
For the 1st time I cried of these,
Is the dialogue I have read.
.Monday, June 2, 2008 ' 12:55 PM Y
& your love is all i ever wanted
Heart Broken...
My heart swells in pain..
AGONIZING.
Time flies.
Everything is fading......
I miss euu so much..
I want to hugg euu.. seriously..
I can feel wad euu felt!
The more PAIN. The more AGONY.
And that is why..
I'm heart broken.
Becz euu too.
Euu were heart broken.
Tortured!
Abused!
Stripped of human rights!
And the most throbbing hurt ever...
Is tat all of those.
Those Terrifying! Horrible! Petrifying! Experiences that SCAR ur life.
Euu MUST pent inside ur soul.
The tiredness.
The hurt.
The isolated.
The sacrifices....
All of these.
I can see... can feel..
Yet also understand.
Dar,
The pain of giving her up.
The pain of obedience.
The pain of sacrifice..
The pain of other people's selfishness.
Dar,
I know wad I am saying wont change anything at all.
But just wanna let you noe.
I'll always. Always. Be thr fer euu.
If you nid me, dont hesitate okay? ^^
I noe you wont be able to see this.
U wont even be able to come to my bloqq..
Dar...
I rly rly.. Wanna give euu d biggest hugg ever.
I wanna cheer euu up..
Yet knowing that I cant change anything..
Yet knowing that I MUSTN'T speak of anything either..
Tis life.
Izzit fate??
Izzit destined?
The thirst for freedom.
The hunger for liberty....
I'm so sorry dear..
Wish I could do smth..
*Huqq*
*Whisperz: *
"Yuki, Orewa... Tsu.ki.da.yo.. ♥♥"
.Saturday, May 10, 2008 ' 3:31 PM Y
& your love is all i ever wanted
Hurted. And will be hurted again.
Me..
What am I?
What am I to you??
What am I to her???
Or even to HIM?
Every minute.. Every second..
The pain.. it swells..
Yes, it indeed does..
Heart.
What is that?
Life.
What the heck?
Doubts.
Clouding me...
Flaws.
Surrounding me..
Feelings.
Confusing me..
Conscious.
What I hate.
Friends.
A bunch who
Cant see who I am..
Cant understand..
Cant be there.
A burden?
And yet.
the Problem lies.
Within myself....
No one can be blamed.
The pain. The hurt. The sorrowful.
No one can reverse it.
No soul can deny it.
It was indeed.
My own ways...
That these happens.
What you see.
What you THINK you see.
People cares.
I care.
People wanna know.
I dunno how to let them know.
The hints. The tone. The expression.
Its all useless.
I am your reliever.
Yet..
You became my burden..
. ' 1:48 PM Y
& your love is all i ever wanted
Tester
Hi ppl.
Ħεя ЃђөǜġЋŤś×Y
I may be emotional,
But I am nt weak
It takes a STRONGER person to cry..
THE LADYY
╚ ãïŠhяü ♥♥
16 [2008]
Lives in her world world
Weak at heart
Wishes for ur attention.
SHE WANTSY
A REAL life.
Her heart back.
People who cares.
Be able to face her true feelings.
To find herself
To Be HAPPY.
SHE HATESY
HERSELF
HYPOCRITES
Her family ❤
Backstabbers
Her THOUGHTS
Her life
SCREAM;TALKY
HER MUSICY
ßrǿҜëŊ Hë4r†§×Y
EXITSY
Ŧσσтρяιηтš ×Y
